Where Relationships Go Wrong: The Stages of a Relationships

If you’re reading this, you are probably wondering where relationships go wrong. Or maybe you’re just curious to understand how to make relationships work because it seems as if every-time you’re in something good it starts to go sour.

Let’s face it, not all relationships are meant to be, but this doesn’t negate the fact that some relationships fail at some point due to a disruption in the relationship cycle. I go in depth on avoiding failure in the keep the fire burning workshop. 

Like most relationships, there are different stages to progression. And though progression isn’t always linear, the progression does look similar in most case disregarding duration and length.

Most stages include the binding of trust, guilt, anger and reconciliation. Somewhere in this merge a need does not get met and relationships begin to fail.

So what are the stages of relationships?

Below I will outline the stages of a relationship and where some people fail to progress.

The Euphoric Bond

The first stage in most relationships activates our undying attraction to an individual. It’s where most of our time is spent being head over heels in learning everything and anything about our partner. At this point we feel like we are on cloud nine and nothing will change how we feel. Many may know this stage as the honeymoon stage, which is not to be mistaken for the actual honeymoon in most marriages as this point can occur well before any “I do’s.”

During this stage we may put aside our own interest to engage in the interest of our partner. After all we still want to keep a great impression for the other person. As time progresses your interest may temporarily become their interest and you merge feelings of excitement. Sometimes at this initial juncture individuals begin to lose their identity and codependency occurs. If you find yourself becoming co-dependent this is a great indicator that the relationship may not last unless you intentionally change.

The Doubt and Realization

After time pasts, and reality kicks in, we begin to shift focus on how great the relationship is, to how flawed the relationship is. Our blinders come off and we start to view some of the things we tolerated as nuisances. “Maybe he really does snore too loud,” or “maybe her messiness is more unbearable than I initially imagined.”

You start to doubt how doable the relationship really is, and figure that this person in front of you isn’t the person you thought they were. Some times you start to place blame on yourself and allow guilt to reside within your relationship.

We start to increase our stress levels and disappointment here which will ultimate cause some sort of friction in your relationship. It’s in this stage where we experience serious arguments and perhaps isolation from one another.

If you two haven’t found the space to really understand how you feel most heard or loved prior to this, it would be a great time to explore.

The Tribulation Period

It’s at this stage where people either decide to stay or leave. Some couples will travail while others feel their best interest is to rediscover themselves independently.

If you decide to stay in this stage, you are choosing to work together on truly understanding and healing any parts of you that may have been overlooked in the initial stages.

This is a period of restoration and rediscovering what your partner needs to feel loved and heard and if their needs surpass your ability to provide, then the relationship may fail.

Most couples do not make it past this stage if their unable to create a system that makes for cooperation and understanding. Ie: One person may want to eat dinner together every day or go out on date night’s once a week because for them this shows the value of quality time. Whilst the other person does not value spending time together, nor is willing to adjust their schedule to meet this requirement. When a person’s values aren’t met in this stage destruction of the relationship is inevitable.

The Stabilization

If you have made it this far in the relationship cycle then you may have gained some great problem solving tools under your belt. Your sense of euphoria and honeymoon has definitely dissipated but you have also learned ways to cast a spark in the relationship to keep attraction and love alive.

At this stage you are still working through the kinks of how to best serve your partner and how to best feel served. Sometimes if things feel a little mundane you may think you’re getting a little bored in your relationship. It is vital that you are aware of these signs immediately as they can become gateways into attaching to other things outside of your relationship. Ie. prioritizing friendships because they seem more exciting than your relationship or attaching yourself to a video game because it becomes more pleasing than your partner.  

When this becomes the case, make it your duty to find something you and your partner can do to make your relationship exciting again and bring back the butterfly feelings you once had. The goal in this stage is to feel as stable as you possibly can be and having the assurance that you both are here to stay.

The Affirming Bond

This is the stage where our relationships are at its healthiest. We have developed bonds that complement one another and shows forth reasoning. In the affirming bond stage you are more than capable of creating environments of trust and peace together but also creating spaces for your independence.

There is a strong sense of commitment in this stage that will be evident both inwardly and outwardly for the two of you. You will feel the most rewarded at this stage by all of the actions you two show forth one another.

At the core, the relationship will feel blissful.

Advancing to this stage requires a large amount of healthy communication and emotional validation.

Why do the relationships fail?

In a nutshell, relationships can fail for numerous reasons. But if we look at this cycle the answers are evident. Most relationships fail because of a lack of understanding for cohesiveness and independence. There must be a healthy balance in relationships.

The cohesiveness shows that you are emotionally intelligent enough to validate your partner’s feelings and understand their wants and desires in the relationship. This applies to long distance relationships as well.

The independence communicates your wholeness as a person, not a person who needs another to make you whole. As stated earlier, this cycle is far from linear and can regress at any time.

If you are in need of support navigating the cycle, be sure to do a quick google search of “relationship counselors near me” as your mental health matters!

Why do you think most marriages fail? Leave a comment below.